Monday, February 13, 2006

[ blogarati bulletin ] Yet Another Blogger Fooled by Fake News Story

That's right, another blogger gets caught in the fake news web, this time, niche blogger, Corey Bond, author of a Simpsons cartoon blog. His earnestness about posting this blog is matched only by his apparent ability to cut and paste news articles with the best of them.

In this new era of Truthiness-awarenessness, this comes as yet another black mark against the liberal humor media's loose interest in the truth. Who knows how far and wide this continuation of the mistruthiness will extend? Will this indeed cause legitimate Allah-fearing terrorists to now add Mr. Bond to their fatwahs? And by extension, will that list also now include me? Is it okay to even type the word 'fatwah' anymore? I don't know.

But what I do know is that Corey Bond has been PUNK'D by Australia!

Click below for the link.

Crisis on Infinite Springfields: If I Can't Watch The Simpsons, the Terrorists Win

Sunday, February 12, 2006

[ movie review ] Dark Water aka "The movie that soured me to Japanese horror"

That's right. I've had enough. No more horror movies based on Japanese horror movies.

I'm not sure what's going on over in Japan, but apparently there is an alarming rate of child murders taking place, because it seems nearly every horror movie coming from over there is about a dead kid seeking revenge. I think Japanese Dateline needs to do some sort of expose on that or something.

Anyway, Dark Water, starring Jennifer Connelly, was the most suspense-free horror movie I've ever seen. While some may find that refreshing, I was bored. The acting is good, just judging based on its own merit, but the characters didn't have anything interesting to do.

The ads made it look like it was going to be some sort of Amityville Horror sort of movie, but all the scary-ish stuff from the trailer came from one dream sequence in the movie.

(spoiler alert!)

The dark water in question, is really just the result of a dead kid stuck in a building's spiritual plumbing. Yawn.

It was a mess, and I'm not talking about the icky water.

[ humor alert ] Filliam H. Muffman

I've enjoyed The Colbert Report immensely up until now, but this past Thursday, they finally took it over the top for me and made it something I'll have to watch every day, for fear of missing the next big funny thing. Case in point: Filliam H. Muffman.

The sketch was a rather innocuous little thing called "Stephen's Laws of Love", using celebrity couples idiosyncrasies as the basis for forming successful relationships. They brought the funny when they demonstrated that you have to have a great marketable name by combining your names. Examples used were Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, "Brangelina". Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner, "Bennifer II". And William H. Macy and Felicity Huffman, "Filliam H. Muffman".

I died laughing, and it was the first time I saw Stephen Colbert lose it on the show. He barely made it through the segment. I can't think of the name without laughing, and I certainly still have a hard time saying it. Go ahead. Try it out. Let the name roll off your tongue.

I know I can't wait to follow along on the splendiferous adventures of Filliam H. Muffman.

Actually, I'll be curious to see if this gets picked up in real conversation. The people that write the news watch the Colbert Report, and I know I'D try to work the name in somewhere.

Saturday, February 04, 2006

[ tv review ] SNL Steve Martin (live review)

I'm going to try somethign a bit different. I'm going to comment on the show as it happens, skit by skit. Here's hoping that Steve Martin can save the show. I thought it was interesting that a few days ago, Lorne Michaels apparently released some sort of statement (or maybe it was in an interview) talking about how SNL is in a state of 'transition'. Translation: The show is going to be bad for a year or two until we get some funny people in here.

Anyway, on to the show.

Opening skit. Pretty good. Brought an air of importance to the festivities. Kelly Ripa made an interesting appearance. Alec Baldwin in it as well. Funny. Shot on 24p HD it looks like. Good start to the show.

Monologue. enh... it was okay. Viagra clock was kinda lame.

Commercial. Teddy Bear Holding A Heart. A little too obvious. Started off good, but didn't go anywhere you weren't expecting.

Pink Panther commercial. I'm realllly not looking forward to this.

Burger King dumping Gatorade on Don Shula. I love that commerical.

Gillette Fusion. Gillette continues to make these super hi-tech commercials. It's a razor. How exciting can a razor be?

Beniana commercial. I'd never seen that one before. Anime. Odd.

Oprah. Some sort of James Frey story. A skating book parody. It's Steve Martin. I'm thinking this is going to be really obvious. Probably lots of outrageous claims. "Oprah-tunity". That's amusing. Here come the obvious 'lies'. This isn't funny because the real thing was much more ridiculous. They should have gone with more of a direct James Frey parody skit. Hopefully it will end soon. It ended quickly. Good. That wasn't good, especially for a first skit.

Don't Buy Stuff You Cannot Afford book. Funny premise. But how far will they take it? That was kinda okay.

Natalie Portman coming up in a few weeks. March 4th. Are they serious that it's going to be another month before a new episode? They've only had one new ep since Christmas. How can they have SO much time to work on this stuff and not come up with anything funny?

At least the skits haven't dragged on too long so far.

Hamas meets with Steve Martin. Steve Martin appparently has agreed to be a speaker at the Hamas victory party. That was over quick. Almost funny.

SNL Digital Short. Steve is in it. Two guys almost kissing, but just talking. It's uncomfortable, but funny. Enh.... it was okay.

Quick Zoom Theater. This is a one joke skit. Not getting any funnier. A no-zoom at the end. Don't know if that was on purpose, or an accident. I think it can go either way with the way the show has been lately.

New iPod commercial. Jazzy. Looks neat.

Caramel Reeses. "You got your caramel on my Reeses." Amusing.

Apparently Prince is coming on next. Will it be something new? Or something classic? And will be be good either way?

New song. It's not bad.. but it's not something I think I would want to hear again. Something about No fury like a woman scorned. I'm guessing that's the title. Prince is still prince, and he's managed to pull himself out of obscurity, but he's now just another aging rocker. He did do a cool helicoptery-sounding thing with his guitar as left it on the stage.

Bud Light Daredevil commercial. I haven't thought this was funny.

Doom DVD. Ryan and I saw this at the theater. It wasn't bad, but it wasn't something I'd ever want to see ever ever again.

Will and Grace. I'm more glad than ever that I've never watched even half an episode.

Some sort of special news sweeps story about young girls meeting older guys through the internet, through something they like. I'm guessing it's going to be about

Weekend Update.
-state of the union. enh.
-mangaroo. enh.
-parent-terrorist conference. enh.
-brownback mountain jokes. enh.
-alito. abortion, hop to it, amy. enh.
-greenspan retires. enh.
-african american memorial. large black monument. Amusing.
-kate moss. flew without airplane. amusing.
-barbie. enh.
-congressional black-eyed peas. baamp.
-James frey - should be classified as diet book.
-Britney spears on Will and Grace. Kevin Federline janitor. enh.
-HSBBall girl breaks record. playing knicks. enh.

At least it ended quick. Wow, that was the shortes weekend update, maybe EVER. No special guests. No special segment. Nothing.

Firewall. Looks like another Harrison Ford generic action thriller. I'll pass.

Looks like some sort of superbowl skit coming up.

Mcdonalds commerical for fifty nuggets looked cool. Reminded me of the Hitchikers Guide graphics (I just finished watching the DVD, so I have it on the brain)

Superbowl. Aaron Neville singing national anthem. And Aretha Franklin. They are both singing about being hungry. Dr. John. Horatio Sans does a good Aaron Neville, but it's going a bit obvious and too long. Yawn. It's over. Good.

Final Destination 3 commerical. Haven't seen the other two yet, so I doubt I'm going to see this one. Interesting that they are releasing it right before Valentines Day. It's like horror movies are deliberately targeting all major holidatys to open.

Venus de Milo beer commerical. Amusing.

So far, the only good parts of the show were the pre-recorded segments.

Steve wants to renegotiate his contract during the show. Lorne gets 12 million per show. Steve has to make a choice. HA! Alec Baldwin is back, and there's Jimmy Fallon. "I want pie." That was okay.

It's Fred Armeson doing the Prince show. I've heard about this skit, but have never seen it. Pretty good impression. Beyonce is also there. Steve Martin is personal chef. Will the real Prince make an actual appearance in this skit? I have a feeling that when they cut away and cut back that the real prince will be in the chair. Drew Barrymore. Very good impression. Mirror of reflection. You'd think that's where they'd bring him in.. like in the Mick Jagger skit. They keep cutting away. He sure does sound like him. Nope.. no real Prince. I can't believe they didn't go for it. Oh well. The skit was almost amusing.

Gillette Fusion again. I'm guessing five blades.

Brian Wilson 3000. State of the Galaxy address. Chris Matthews hologram. Not looking good for this skit. Darrell Hammond and Seth Myers first appearances tonight. "We're very close to capturing Osama Bin Laden." Hey.. it's a Rachel Dratch sighting. Bad skit.

SNL digital short. A SECOND one... hmm... Fred Armeson won't stop talking. Scarlett Johansen. TRL. NBC news. Conan Obrien. That was amusing! Not bad. It was a coherent story with a beginning, middle and end. Lots of guest stars. It reminded me of a Saturday TV Funhouse skit.

Surfing. Steve Martin's character doesn't fit in with the other surfers. But the joke is going to be it's someone besides Steve. Okay. It is Steve. Yawwn.... I didn't have to waste any energy even thinking about chuckling.

Nissan Murano commercial is really neat looking. Neato.

Why DQ commercials at 11:45? They're not open even if I wanted to go get a steak finger basket.

Prince apparently has a new female protege. One of the backup singer-dancers from earlier is now singing. Prince is playing guitar and singing backup. It's apprently a duet. My bad. This song isn't that bad. It might sound a lot better in recorded form rather than live. She looks like a young Angela Basset crossed with Beyonce. Song might be called "Beautiful".

Cici's Pizza. Making it look like a sitcom. kind of amusing.

New Orleans Mardi Gras commercial. Sounds really desperate. And what they AREN'T saying is significant.

IBC Bee banking. Amusing that it's airing during an SNL.

Okay... the last chance for laughter.

Naturally Crafting. Rachel Dratch. It's steve, with a ponytail. Steve screwed up his line. Wow.. that was lame.

And... it's over. whew.

So not even Steve Martin can rescue the show.

[ tv review ] Justice League 5.08 The Great Brain Robbery

"Am.. YOU... Bizarro's mommy?"

I've watched the scene with this quote about twenty times now, and I've laughed each time. Brilliant. The rest of this episode was pretty good, as well, but this one scene is an all-time classic.

I won't spoil it for any of you that haven't seen it yet (which is almost all of North America), but in a nutshell, through a bit of convenient mind-transference silliness, Luthor and Flash switch bodies. The Justice League is immediately aware of Luthor-in-Flash, and spend the rest of the episode trying to contain him (and in the process, finding out just how powerful Flash could be if he utilized his powers in a different way), while the Legion of Doom is unaware that Flash is now in posession of Luthor's body. Hilarity ensues as Flash tries to pass himself off as evil. (It really is funny.)

But what works best is the aforementioned scene containing Bizarro's classic quote. And he says it with such sincere longing. Your heart will break for Bizarro. For anyone that loved the Cartoon Network short featuring the old Legion of Doom arguing about mundane stuff ("Solomon Grundy want pants too!"), you'll really appreciate this. (I just watched it again... laughed again.)

I believe this episode is scheduled to run on Cartoon Network sometime in March, so set your DVRs, kids!

(guess what? I watched the scene again. Yep. Laughing.)

Thursday, February 02, 2006

[ humor alert ] That Wasn't Chicken

This is funny because a few years ago, I printed out a whole page of fake fortunes (about fifty) that I would swap out whenever I would go to a Chinese Restaurant with someone. While everyone was cracking open their cookie, I would nonchalantly get a fake one out of my wallet and make the switch under the table. No one ever noticed.

I had specific ones made for just about anyone that I thought I might ever have lunch with, and it was always good for a laugh.

Anyway, "That wasn't chicken" was one of the ones I printed out multiple times. And lo and behold, someone else thought of the same thing.

And now you know...